*Scroll down for the English version*

• Nowy rower, buty, sprzęt do badań, studia za granicą, podróż dookoła świata, chirurgiczny zabieg upiększający <=pieniądze
• Miłość <= pieniądze.[1]
• Sukcesy sportowe <=> pieniądze.
• Sława w showbusinessie => pieniądze.
• Bogactwo = pieniądze.

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[1] To duży skrót myślowy, ale zastanówcie się – randkowanie, chęć spełnienia marzeń ukochanej osoby, wybudowanie domu, zasadzenie drzewa, dzieci.

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Curses of a Dreamer

Is dreaming cursed ? Does it poison our minds and is harmful? Do we know how to dream? Is it even worth anything?

At first I wasn’t going to quote the definition of a dream. It seemed unnecessary as each one of us knows exactly what we’re talking about; so yet before reading this column is ready to disprove the above proposed thesis. But is it really that obvious? One of the most basic equipment in our houses should be a Polish language dictionary [editorial note: and similarly a dictionary of your native language]. For those of you who never used it before it may seem quite a curiosity or even an oddity. A dictionary of foreign words and phrases - understandable. Thesaurus or a dictionary of idioms - obviously! But how can one factorize words that seem so simple, like the natural numbers, so basic, intuitive, that could not be divided and paraphrased. Or defined without ... using the determined word.

Let's start with a short exercise : try to give a definition of the following words:

To think

A feeling

Sense

Time

Despite appearances, this is not kind of a task we perform automatically. With no doubt it requires our focus and referring to our knowledge. As the following discussion about the dreams for some of you may itself be exhaustive, after all I decided to cite the definition of a dream. I believe it is good to precisely define the subject before entering into a discussion. And as we may not avoid discrepancies, we can at least rule out the unnecessary semantic disputes.

A dream

1.      Product of someone 's imagination in the form of a series of images and thoughts 

         that allow one to escape from reality; also a picture of something desired created in one’s mind;

2.      Something what one wants, intends, or would like to achieve; a striving, a desire;

3.      Wild fancy, an aspiration, a daydream.

Well, the enemy was identified. But in what ways does it threaten us?

The Curse of Definition

As you well know, the economic system is based on generating demand for all kinds of goods, on encouraging us, by using more and more clever ways, to increase the consumption. Thus, can you call the irresistible need for a dress from the new Valentino’s collection, seen in a magazine, a dream? Or is picturing yourself on a sandy beach on a hectic day at work a dream? Or are these just some artificial desires caused by a special unit of psychology, sociology and influence specialists? Something that we really want, but not what we need to feel fulfilled, happy? For the purposes of this discussion, let us assume that our vulnerability to manipulation is a fact, and that very often we have problems with identifying our own needs.

Once we answer ourselves what we want, the question of whether we need it, is one of the least important. The desire to have a certain thing or circumstances disables us to run a proper calculation of risks and the potential harm that achieving the goal could do to us. This desire can be driven by euphoria, curiosity, a sense of responsibility for the others, incurable optimism, but also by fear, hatred, jealousy or anxiety. Could getting what we want driven by the motives of the second group make us happy?

The Curse of Time

Dreaming about the past seems pointless, because we do not have power to change it. However, it may interfere with steering our energy toward the desired direction – the future. Sometimes we do that guessing what-if, especially when we want to deny some inconvenient facts from our past; and actually these are the only circumstances in which it could be useful.

Dreaming about the present may be on one hand of a motivational value, but on the other it can cause dissatisfaction with the status quo and therefore become a source of unnecessary frustration.

Dreaming about the future seems to be the most reasonable, because this one we can shape with our own actions (assuming that the universe doesn’t hate us). However, there is one BUT, which I will discuss later.

The Curse of Caution

One of the schools in the American motivational literature says that all the good things that happen in our lives we attract with the positive thoughts. The secret of happiness is to picture the perfect state of affairs and have a deep faith that it will happen because of how much we want it. The cardinal rule is to avoid negations, because subconscious mind does not hear negatives. For example, by saying "I DO NOT want to be sick, the disease is something I am scared of the most, if I got sick, my whole life would fall apart" we imagine the undesirable state and this creates negative energy which we subsequently attract to our live. We should construct thoughts in the following way: "I am healthy, I appreciate my health, it enables me to achieve anything I want." Apparently trivial, but not exactly. I believe people have a great tendency to conceive the worst-case scenarios, which we subconsciously treat as a basic defense mechanism - expect the best, prepare for the worst. Unfortunately, according to this motivational school, even despite the sense of being right, having a ready recipe for a happiness we end up with a sad cake.

Curse of Hunger

Appreciation of what one has is one of the rarest abilities in the world. The picture of how it should be, we cherish in our mind, is on one hand the main motivator of our activity and development, and on the other – a real curse. Most people, regardless of where they live and what kind of life they lead, are not satisfied with the status quo. After all, you can always have more. There is no amount of money which woman could not spend, either in her vision or in a real life once she got a chance. Or a number of sports cars and beautiful women a man would not want to possess. There are no objective criteria in this category. We are not satisfied comparing ourselves to those who are in a worse situation than us, who suffer from poverty, hunger, whose life is in a constant danger, who are terminally sick, etc. In theory, this equation comes with a solution that we ought to enjoy our lives and appreciate the place, the time and the conditions we live in. The joy of this, however, lasts a picosecond. Right after that we look up and point a finger at those more beautiful, better-shaped, those who smile more and who wallow in luxury. Therefore it can be argued whether it is because people are greedy by nature, or perhaps their innate myopia permanently locates them in the economic mechanism of perpetual demand stimulation. The inborn tendency toward competition drives the world (winners), but also exposes the mechanism to risk in certain places (losers); compare: economic development and scientific progress versus the riots and armed clashes.

 Curse of Satiety

A lot of motivational slogans encourage us to dream really big. It can be good as the execution of a project of this size takes a lot of time and energy and requires masterminding implementation of such a bold plan even for many years. As a result, we are on the mission and all makes sense. But notice that so long as we are encouraged to dream, no one really teaches us how to deal with the fulfillment of a dream. Is it because they assume that it’s so unlikely? Or maybe because of a potential envy if we really make them come true? (See: point three in the definition of a dream). I mean, what's next? A new dream? Starting over something completely different? It’s true that many people work best from one task to another. But what if a fulfilled dream is followed by an emptiness that nothing can fill? What if the essence of life is to chase a white rabbit, and catching it ruins the whole magic and kills your desire to play? Oscar Wilde said: "In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

Curse of Overeating (The Paradox of Money)

No matter how noble intentions you refer to, most of the things you dream about come down to money. Either it requires them or is their source.

•     A new bike, shoes, equipment for research, studies abroad, travel around the world,  surgical beauty treatment <= Money.

•           Love <= Money.[1]

•           Success in sports <=> Money.

•           Fame in show business => Money.

      •            Wealth = Money.

With big money comes the satisfaction, pride, bloom of self-esteem, a new range of possibilities. And then... satiety and boredom. Further, relationships with people degenerate as we learn to express gratitude or affection only with money. And at the end comes the paranoia that the only thing that attracts them to us is our fortune. Sheep we despised and left behind dumbfounded in their stampede, suddenly throw the sheep skins and turn out to be a flock of hungry wolves. What do you do in this situation: you try to manage it, to minimize losses? You back out? There is only one thing that can satisfy your and their appetite: More. So you start to multiply your wealth, but this time not for your own pleasure, but in the neurotic act to defend goods you have collected so far. You must admit that this picture does not fit in the classic idea of happiness.

Curse of Recognition

Everyone has to remember to follow his own dreams, not someone else's. Before you object, think about it for a moment. Haven’t you ever taken any actions which you knew your loved ones would like you to take? From the trivial ones, like going on holidays to the seaside instead of our beloved mountains; through the direction of studies suggested by the concerned parents; to the weighty ones, such as choosing staying at home over a career. This phenomenon of entering into someone else’s dreams’ orbit is also common in relationships when one person consciously or unconsciously subjects himself/herself to the other. This can be fine, provided that such a forced interest in the process of learning becomes our own. When we finally find spontaneous joy in practicing it. But the situation when satisfaction from realizing a dream "borrowed" from a partner or an "own" but symbiotically and literally connected with the partner’s dream comes only with the partner’s praise, is pathological. When instead of focusing on something that actually gives us joy, we try to impress our partner by acquiring skills from his domain. Using the language that he understands so he did not have to exert himself to translate our efforts made in order to fulfill our dreams and to succeed in a completely different field. Sharing own happiness with a close person is perfectly fine, but making our happiness conditional on somebody else is a shot in our own knee.

Curse of the Subconscious

And finally we get to the bottom of these considerations. Why DRAW DREAMS instead of SETTING GOALS? Regardless of what we want to achieve, calling it a dream is like a trip to the mountains with a backpack full of stones instead of packed lunch and necessary equipment. How often do you hear or build sentences containing the words "I have a dream" and "but" at the beginning of the subsequent subordinate clause?

I appeal for two things.

Firstly, aside from the above mentioned scenarios of negative consequences, since the urge to have more is inscribed in human nature, there is no point in fighting it. But let’s approach the matter with a full understanding, let’s be precise in determining our desires and at the very time of naming them, let’s think of ways to realize them. Because knowing is half the battle. And the vaguer our vision of the future is, the more anxiety and frustration we experience in the present.

Secondly, let's find our own way to enjoy life every day, not only once in a blue moon. Let’s assume that the essence of dreaming is to escape from daily routine and problems. And that it helps to relieve the tension and sustain motivation to work and continuous improvement. But we shouldn’t put an equal sign between happiness and the fulfillment of dreams. We must stay focused so our vision of a brighter future didn’t obscure the new opportunities that could appear on our way to its execution.

Let’s assume that you would like to earn your first million before you turn thirty. The way you think about it may decide about your eventual success or a failure:

(a)  the first million before I turn thirty is a product of my imagination, my daydream, my unrealistic plan.

(b)  the first million before I turn thirty is the planned result of my rational actions, my goal.

If you see a difference between the approach described in clauses (a) and (b), it was worth taking a few hours to write this essay. Your reflection, regardless of whether you agree with me or not, is my dose of luck. I did not dream about it. I worked for it.

Answers to the exercise at the beginning of this column:

To think            to arrange, organize in mind the known facts, experienced occurrences, impressions in order to learn, to understand reality and to control one’s actions; to get to know, to ponder, to meditate

A feeling          1. emotional state which one experience; (...). 3. sensation, impression

Sense               right content, meaning, consistency with logic; logic, accuracy

Time                  endless course of consecutive moments, continuous duration

Definitions based on "The Great Dictionary of the Polish language" Joint study. Warsaw. Buchmann publishing house, 2009

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[1] It’s quite a mental shortcut but think about it – dating, making dreams of the beloved come true, building a house, planting a tree, raising kids.